Wednesday, October 14, 2020

Neck Elected...

 Where is the sun? 

I have abandoned this place for a while.

I have my reasons. 

Good ones. Big ones. 

Over an array of time I have been traveling.  Visiting.  Busying.  Money making, review giving, tragedy spilling, smiling. W O R K I N G.  

Judgement. Cuz I can.  Cuz I'm fucking human.  Hamun.  

Here's the moon. 

Where to begin?  What to say? 

How are you doing, reader? Private Investigator?

Excuse my elongated leave of absence.  I have been preoccupied by the best.  THE VERY FUCKING BEST! 

The grand show of all shows.  This is the time! The time for music! 

Did you know, the closer you get to the sun, the faster your wings for freedom melt?  You can hide by demonstration of precise reflection. A Mirror. Silence.  It's incredible. Predictability is best served in a French restaurant. 

Carvinal Cravings.  Curious Cavities' piercing stares at the empty land beyond the silver perfection grid made by determined men whose mothers did not care enough, or perhaps cared too much.  Depends on the perspective...

Everything is the show! The Grand Performance! Encore, mother fuckers! 

The beauty entwined with the blackest darkness can liberate the demons from your heart and take you to places beyond this reality. This is real.  Although, not every American Dream, can handle it.  Breaking free from all the chains.  Every single last link is obliterated.  

Complete solitude in the mind, begging for a simple friend who just FUCKING UNDERSTANDS! 

No one understands.  They can't.  But it doesn't matter.  Because the strength grown from the deepest scars on your chest can't kill you, as long as you didn't pay someone to put them there. 

*sigh* She was way too young. [I wish I had coffee with her while I had the chance.]

2nd chance. 

DON'T FUCK THIS ONE UP! Get it out! Damnit! All of it.  Throw it up and chase it with a fucking BASE BALL BAT OF CRAFT!!!!!!! RU N Home.   

But don't run! Cuz we're here now.  Here to be. To exist and release,  complete the final portion to the empire I was built to conquer.  

For every time you count the stars, be sure to be weary of the cracks in the concrete as you walk through flames and swim through waves. 

-L.A.





  

Saturday, May 30, 2020

Spiders are Free

The itsy bitsy spider teaches us to hang on, and to let go. It isnt very clear which of them you "should" do, because either way, the sun came up, and the spider was back at it, again. The end result, of doing said repetition, was NEVER stated.

Hang on to your dreams, and let go of all the shit that held you back, because if your dream is stupid, you'll just drowned, I guess.

- real, sober, level headed 3 am thoughts that keep me awake.

Sunday, April 26, 2020

Inside[s]...

Another side to the being an artist, is what I like to ALSO call, weakness, but what most refer to as emotion.

Every great artist has DEEP, passionate, emotions, and we use these emotions to express our visions via a variety of medium. 

I tend to go back and forth with mine.  It's either all or nothing.  I'm either deeply angered, loving, social, and silly, or I'm absolutely numb to my core, and a borderline sociopath.  
It really just depends on my mood, the day, current events, and the vibes I get from the people in my life at that moment. 

Today, I feel ..... reflective....? 
[Is that even an emotion?]
I've been taking this time during quarantine to get in touch with some things I haven't been able to address while I'm working, living, and doing all the things you do when you aren't quarantined........
And there really are a lot of current events that have happened in the last few years that have really pulled me away from what I was originally chasing.  
A lot of it was very painful and naturally, when our bodies get hurt, our nerves create a mechanism with our bodies to physically pull away from what ever event is causing us harm. For example: when you burn your hand on the stove, your brain tells your body to move your arm and remove your hand from the blazing stove.  

I think, for some people, [really, I can only speak for myself] that we tend to do this with certain people and events.  Some people choose to stay lit on fire by those who have burned them, but personally, I just avoid the flames when they happen and act like the blisters don't need tending.  

But lately, I've been feeling like I need to tend to some of these 3rd degree-ers.  And I'm not ashamed. In fact, I feel like it's long overdue.  I'm not exactly going to go into detail here, but, I will say, that I have neglected some of these wounds caused by certain events, just simply due to not making enough time for myself. 

I often wonder where the rocks go when they need a place to lean because it's not easy for me to confide in people and talk about what's plaguing me, because half of the time I'm too busy to feel it, and the other half of the time, I'm doing things to keep busy so I can just ignore it. 
  
I found that rocks lean on the very surface that buries them making it difficult to escape.  We rely on ourselves.  It puts us between a rock and hard place, because we really have to remove ourselves from everything to 1) really get a better picture of what it is we are feeling, and 2) dealing with that emotion in a healthy manner without losing our shit or taking it out on other people. 

I guess rocks can come off as cold, and even at times, insane, but the beauty in our artwork would not be born without the strength and momentum we build from these energy sucking events in our lives. 

Looking back on the last 3 years, since my move to San Diego, really has opened my eyes to things I never saw before.  Things that used to be problems are now fixed, but unfortunately the things that didn't need fixing, suddenly became problems.  It was shitty trade off, but I learned a lot from it.  

That's all you really can do.  Everything you experience should teach you something.  And every loss should teach an ounce of gratitude.  
I'm grateful for a lot in my life.  Especially now!

I took L.A. for granted.  I was tired.  I was afraid.  I didn't feel ready.  I didn't feel like I had what it took to face my dreams and my independence.  I didn't know how to express this to the people around me when they would ask me what was wrong.  I just did things.  I just acted.  I up and moved spontaneously within 1 month. 

As a result I really suffered, because leaving L.A. made me feel like I lost a big part of my soul.  Between leaving the opportunities in the art world, and leaving behind so many awesome people, I felt completely alone in this new environment and I wasn't ready for the slower change of pace. 

I can confidently acknowledge where I went wrong.  And even though my plan to move back still requires careful execution, I'm grateful for the experiences I had and am having in San Diego.  I think living here really pulled me out of my element and my comfort zone, and showed me where my heart lies and how to become a stronger and even better version of myself.  

I was faced with some of the most awful people I could ever encounter while living here.  
But I also met some AWESOME people, unlike any others I've met, during this journey as well. 
My entire persona was challenged moving here.  My identity, my goals, my dreams, my purpose... all of it was thrown in my face and I was ridiculed for being different and it really challenged me and made me rethink my entire existence.  
There were even times when I felt like I was useless.  I even expressed this to some people and they would look at me like I was crazy and childish, when in reality I was really hurting and felt so alone.  
Contrary to that, I also met people who helped me find strengths in myself I never knew I had.  People who recognized my intuitive thought process and even helped me further develop this.  I made amazing friends that I can still, to this day, call and go for walks on the beach, and who even share the same artistic interests.    

No life choice is a perfect choice.  It really just depends on how you're able to make the results fit into your life.  Life is really about being able to adapt and being able to adapt quickly.  The quicker you move on, the better you will become.  It's about sacrifice and quickly ridding the things in your life which no longer serve you.  The better you get at doing these things, and the faster you bounce back from it all, and the better your life will become.   

I'm no guru, and I still have a shit ton of lessons to learn in this life, but I can say that I'm happy to finally express some of this and hope that my experiences touch the hearts of other artists as well.

I feel so much better! 
Thank you, for reading! 

Stay tuned for more! 

-L.A. 








Tuesday, April 21, 2020

Quarateened...

In case you haven't heard, there is a major virus called COVID19 plaguing the world and most people are locked in their homes unable to work, socialize, or even exercise, scared out of their minds about catching or spreading this virus.

Yep. This is really happening.

Everyone has been affected by this differently.

Like most things thrown at me from left field, I too, am handling this differently.

Differently than most...

When in dark times, make art. 
These times take me back to my teen years when I wasn't allowed to go anywhere or do anything unless it was school related.  So, I'd often be laying my room, avoiding my family, because that's what all teenagers do, and I'd make art, write, read, go in chat rooms, and even exercise. I would get weird and create things I saw or heard in my mind.

This has truly livened up a part of myself I frequently neglect when I'm working the typical 9-5 job.

This is a reminder to me that I need to stop neglecting other primary sides of my persona and get back into my self-expression as an artist.  It's a reminder to be consistent and not let the hardship of life get in the way of my heart.
I am an artist to the core; in my words, in my colors, and in my soul.  I love every aspect of the arts you can possibly imagine.  From music, to theater, to film, to painting, sculpture, dance, and design.   I breathe it when I close my eyes every night.  It's all I think about.

I'm sure many of you other artists can relate.
If this is a deep part of your soul, why is it so easy to neglect when we are trying to make the money to live our dream?

We get so focused on chasing the money, that we tend to forget about the passion and execution of the plan,  that drove us to get these jobs to begin with.  So we go to work, we eat, we exercise, we go home, sleep, shower, repeat.  We "don't have the time" ...
[I suppose it also depends on whether or not your job is in a related field to the said passion.]

STOP! These are all just bullshit excuses we make to cover up our fear of losing.

Which brings me to my next thought....

WHY AM I NOT WORKING IN THIS INDUSTRY.... ?

I think we all have to go through our own paths to figure out different parts of ourselves, and learn how to develop our skills in alternate fields before we can become our truest and best forms.

Taking a sales position was never in my plan or what I thought I needed, but when you can learn how to sell, you can make it in any hustle.

And, art... is DEFINITELY a hustle.

I don't need to explain myself or justify my choices to anyone but myself, but I will say, that every job I've ever had has taught me a lot about people, myself, money, society, family, friends, and ESPECIALLY business and how to separate all of it.

But there is definitely a bottom line.   You need to continue to keep your eye on the prize and make it happen.  Don't lose sight of your dream!

I was laid off during this quarantine.... I live in CA...kinda wish I was in Georgia or Wyoming right now so I could work. [jk]

But instead of freaking out and getting scared and worrying, I just kept the important relationships up to date with clear communications, stayed on top of my hustle, and got super inspired.

A certain part of my soul opened up and I was able to get level headed again.  Almost like I'm feeding off the chaos in the most positive way!

You have to look at the glass half full, and even though I have a long way to go, I'm not going to live in despair no matter how hard it gets during these times. 

I have to make the most out of every situation. Sacrifice and Discipline are key! And as an artist you have to be okay with losing everything if you truly love what you do!
I've already created a few pieces during this quarantine and have talked to a couple people about some potential future business in the art world.  I hope the universe shows me the best path towards my destiny, cuz I know this is it!


I don't know where I will end up in the future, but I know I've only touched the beginning of something great and I can't wait to see where I go from here.



-L.A.
"Booger _1st month of Quarantine" March 2020

Tuesday, January 7, 2020

New Year, New Decade...

Hello and Welcome 2020!!! 

Year of the Rat 
And so many opportunities!

Wow! I have so much stuff to share and so many things I have to say, I almost feel like I should start a podcast, because it's a lot to type! 

Okay... 

Let us first start out with a simple question: 

"What are you goals for 2020?"

I have a lot. 

If you're just starting to read my blog, let's give you a little background [it's been a little while since I last posted]: 

I'm Lund3on. I am a weirdo artist who has been attempting this whole "life" thing... in my own kind of unconventional way... I'm from Los Angeles, CA...  but currently live in North County San Diego as of Feb. 2017, due to an impulsive idea that I thought would help prepare me for a faster life in the CITY... Well, the joys of being young and dumb are : You have no idea what the fuck you're talking about, and should probably have gone with your gut instinct, instead of listening to everyone around you, who doesn't live in, or love, THAT CITY... But we're moving forward and making the best out of the time we have here... 

After all, without all the bullshit drama that arose a result of this FABULOUS move, I wouldn't be the awesome person I decided to be today! 

 I have recently, completely changed my whole life! I have decided to be happier, healthier, more positive and just over all, BETTER: 

I started hitting the gym 5 days a week since the end of Sept 2019.  I also just completed my 90 days as a Sales Rep, on a sales floor, in a store I wont mention here... I have been on a budget and don't have complete access to my kitchen parts, since I live in a tiny backhouse/studio, and have a lot of shit, so instead of completely changing my diet, I just eat once a day!  I am also in the process of getting rid of said shit... using inspiration from YouTube personality Jefferee Star's method of "trash"-ing unneeded, outdated, unfabulous, THINGS!!!!! I already have my first donation pick up arranged and scheduled for Jan 2020... which is already 4 black trash bags full of miscellaneous mistakes from my 20's and move to SAN DIEGO 3 years ago.   

Even though my current situation is no where NEAR where I want to be, I'm definitely headed towards the right direction.  

Being in sales has taught me soooo much, so far! 

As an artist you have to learn how to sell.  If you can't sell product or yourself, there is really no point...  [Unless you have a shit ton of money and someone can sell you for you!  Then, by all means, GREAT! Step 1: complete] 

Positivity is key in ANY business.  You must be in the present while remaining positive, and maintaining good energy through out each and every day! You can't allow any problems to disrupt your chi or you will see it reflecting on your numbers/ sales! 

This is a tough ideal to achieve if you're a moping, victim playing, self shaming, sabotaging, hating, negative person! It's not easy... but it REALLY is.  Everything in your life is a choice.. including the way you think! So, just shut up and do it! 

I did! 

I'm saying this from experience, execution, and results! I have never felt this good in my life.  Bring it, bitches!

How? 
MOVE FORWARD! 

I don't entirely remember which religious book I was reading, but when I was around 10 years old, I read a story about God destroying a city with fire.  They told everyone to run, and don't look back.  If you look back, you turn to stone. 

Please, forgive me for any lack of detail etc.   This is just how I remember the story. It really stuck with me and recently popped it's face back up in my life when I realized: 

Looking back makes you cold! It can turn your heart into stone reliving all the pain etc..  So move on and warm up your future.  Fuck the past. It does NOTHING for you! 

I regret nothing.  I love my life.  I will always love my life!  Some people will look at my life and laugh, but I'm super happy I have a pulse, and I'm in the process of making everything around me more fabulous than it already is! 

I CANNOT describe the excitement I currently feel well enough in words for others to understand, unless you've been here too.  I just know that this is the beginning of something big, different, life-changing, and ever lasting! It may be in the direction of art or it may be in sales... either way, my life is changing, and it's all turning around so quickly! 

Even though I currently have absolutely no time or space to create the art I want to sell, the anchor hasn't dropped.  I am alternating weekends to finish a project for a family member and will be back to my sketchbooks once some other prioritized goals have been accomplished.  This will always be something I do for fun! From my collages, to paintings, to sculpture, to writing, to playing my flute, I will always be an artist in my home and heart! 

All you artists out there, struggling and losing hope, DON'T! Stay passionate and positive! Whether you're a painter, an actor, a designer, a musician, a writer.... just keep crushing! 
Do the day job in order to fund the fun job! 

You just have to choose to see the positive! 

-L.A. 


What are your goals for 2020? What opportunities can you create for yourself this year?  
Feel free to comment below